he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
