You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
