Don't make out with my wife yet
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
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i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
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Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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