dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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