All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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