The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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