I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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