it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
