So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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