I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
