Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
