just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
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