There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination