3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.