No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize