I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"