She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
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It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.