enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.