Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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