I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
