Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
