oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
