If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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