Whod you bang
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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