I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
