I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
