What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Ketchup is God's man juice
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
