He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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