I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
