Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
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He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
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I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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