I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You don't make any sense
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