lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
