i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
