He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
