i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
