Already got asked if we're dating
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
