Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
you never un-have a 4some
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
