This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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