Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
