I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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