I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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