worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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