i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
