woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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