ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
