highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just found puke in my bra..
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
