Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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