I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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