I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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