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Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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