have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
