That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
