In the future we'll all be gay
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
