mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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