Umm I'm too high to move.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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