ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
