Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
