Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
