I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
