Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
