Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
