dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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