listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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