i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize