i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
