apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
BRING THE BAGELS
I want to fling myself into the sun
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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