She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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