is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
