...so i touched it.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
