I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
