Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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