i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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