God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
