Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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