Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
