this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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