My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize