First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
