If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
