I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
