kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Drake has all the answers
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
