tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
