Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
