I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
