Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
