Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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