i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
